It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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