new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize