Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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