i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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