My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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