If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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