Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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