I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize