Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize