if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize