just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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