You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize