Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize