i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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