btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize