he wants to bone in the snuggie
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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