we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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