now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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