Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize