he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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