We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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