I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize