I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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