so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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