I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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