well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I checked into jail on foursquare
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize