Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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