you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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