He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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