he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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