well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize