Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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