Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize