Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize