My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize