so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize