You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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