i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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