he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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