If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize