Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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