I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize