I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize