seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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