I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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