So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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