Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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