So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize