I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize