i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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