better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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